i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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