oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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