ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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