when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize