The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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