Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She even gives head with a lisp.
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
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I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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