he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
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I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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