everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize