i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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