Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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