I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
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