You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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