thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
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The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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