he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize