I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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