I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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