You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize