you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize