If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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