When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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