i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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