i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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