...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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