Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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