I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
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Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize