just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
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his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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