This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
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Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You need Xanax blowdarts
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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