When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have tasted many bathrooms
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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