i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
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All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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