Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize