this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Use "feeling words"
Yay
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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