not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize