Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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