i need an iv and a liver transplant
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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