i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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