I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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