xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize