Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
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Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
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HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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