he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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