The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
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Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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