someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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