That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize