I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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