Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
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He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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