I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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