Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize