Kiss
Puke
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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