Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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