i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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