i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
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No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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